One More Order, Then We Go Home

Looking back on it, I probably shouldn’t have taken that last order. Sure, I successfully made the drop. But I would have saved myself lots of frustration and avoided thinking the guy who ordered this food must be a total douchebag.

4:40 pm

My guts rumbled, reminding me how frustratingly hungry for food they were. I’d been on the road for more than 8 hours and made plenty of money. Suddenly, my phone rang, indicating more food needed to be delivered. I took a few moments to ponder the situation before accepting the order. I knew I’d get crabby very soon if I avoided eating much longer, and I’d already ruled out the notion of eating on the go. I had plenty of nutritious food to eat at home, and eating out gets far too expensive. I looked at my phone to identify the details of the order. I wasn’t very now from the pickup location. And Bonus! The customer was located less than 2 miles from my house. So, since it was basically on my way home, I decided to take the order. A decision I would come to regret. It was at approximately 4:45 pm.

Some orders are challenging all the way around. It’s usually a bad indication when you arrive to pick up the order you’ve been assigned, only to have the restaurant tell you that it’s not ready. My absolute favorite is when they tell you it’ll be ready in 5 minutes while maintaining a straight face, and it proceeds to take 20 minutes from that point. Do these folks think I’m stupid? Why can’t they simply tell me the order didn’t come through whatever shitty device they have set up to receive food orders? Would that be so difficult? It sure would help my level of frustration. Anyway, with all that being said, this WASN’T one of those challenging pickups. Which really made the entire situation more ironic. It was a pickup from McDonald’s, which made it even better because I just swung through the drive-thru. I didn’t even have to get my lazy ass out of the car.

So, with the pickup taking all of five minutes, I was on my way. Now, this is what I call easy money -I remember having this exact thought as I approached the railroad crossing. Suddenly, I saw the red lights flashing. Next, my guts rumbled. My annoying stomach has no patience! Then, I noticed the gate coming down. It was only after the car in front of me came to a stop that my stubborn brain finally accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to make it. How long could it possibly take?… Was my next thought.


As I sat there waiting for the train to pass, I decided to do something I hardly ever do: I actually read the note the customer sent to me within the Uber Eats App. It seemed pretty straightforward: Park behind the building. Look for a bike rack. The door for my building is behind the rack. Once you locate the entrance buzz apt 212. Please leave the food outside my door. Thank you. So, after reading the note, I figured the train was almost finished. I figured wrong. This train was endless! After waiting for 10 minutes (but it always seems twice as long as you’re waiting), I considered turning around. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize it would be nearly impossible. There were way too many cars behind me; I was past the point of no return. If only the car directly behind me would back up. But it wasn’t to be. I considered getting out of my car and approaching the person behind me as my stomach was nearly roaring. The thought quickly left my mind as soon as I pictured how the ugly scene would play out: I would make my angry approach with hostile intentions and begin yelling for this person to back up. Therefore, I would get some sort of hostile response, which would only make matters worse. I wasn’t in a reasonable frame of mind, so it was out of the question. I messaged the guy and did my best to explain the situation. He didn’t respond.

5:15 pm

After screaming out loud out of complete frustration, I finally saw some light at the end of the tunnel. I looked down towards the next block, and the traffic that was dead moments ago began stirring. I tried locating the end of the train and did. But then the train came to a complete stop. C’mon! I screamed aloud as I noticed the people next to me, giving me that look -that one where they have crazy eyes as they try and fight all-out laughter. I then realized they probably heard me screaming earlier because my dumbass was definitely pitching a fit. And the best part: the windows were rolled down, so I’m sure it was heard down the entire block. It was at this point that I became frustrated with the customer. Why did they order food from across town when there’s a McDonald’s much closer to where they live? Another idiot that wasn’t paying attention to the location while ordering. I considered canceling the order, then realized I might as well get the $5 Uber promised I’d get when I accepted the request. That’s another thing that pisses me off. When Uber says you’ll make at least $5 for the order, you better believe that’s the least you’ll get. I think Uber’s the only place that lower’s the wages it pays as time goes on. What’s up with that? I became angry with Uber.

5:30 pm

When the train finally decided to move its dead ass out of my way, I was over pissed about it. I’d rolled my windows up and cranked the air conditioning as it was rather hot. And I did my best to try and look like I’d calmed down as I felt the people next to me still giving me that look. They were trying to look as if they weren’t just like I was doing my best to forget my embarrassing temper. Within a few more moments, the train was gone, and I was finally moving. Traffic was thick. Uber tried sending me another order, which I declined as I surely wasn’t going to risk further complications with my stomach. Yet I missed my turn as a result. See, when Uber sends another order, it causes you to lose your GPS for a few moments. While this is ordinarily not a huge issue, traffic was heavy, and I turned a block too early. The message I’d read like a half-hour earlier clearly stated I needed to park behind the building. Dammit!

5:45 pm
It took me like ten minutes to get turned around. I’d like to blame it on the traffic, but I was pitching another one of my famous fits for at least five minutes in there, so there’s that. When I finally reached the parking lot, he described I was delighted. But only for a few moments as I couldn’t locate a bike rack. I saw several places, none matching the name he gave for his building. There were two different apartment buildings I observed. I parked the car, got out, and grabbed my food bag. After walking a few buildings down, I decided to cancel the order. Fuck this. I got even more pissed at this asshole for ordering food to such a fucked up spot and not offering to meet me at the door… or in the parking lot to this fucked up place he lived. I’d also tried calling, but of course, he didn’t answer. These types never do. I considered leaving the food on the sidewalk and messaging the bastard telling him where I’d left it, but thought against that. I also forgot to mention that Uber does have a timer for instances like this. This guy had until 5:58 to respond.

6:00 pm
As I was leaving the parking lot, I noticed the bike rack on the complete opposite side of the parking lot I’d been searching around. Of course, it was! It was behind some other building. If this cockknocker had just answered his phone, I could have saved myself about 15 minutes. I found the entrance, finally! I buzzed the apartment, fully expecting no response. But, much to my surprise, the bastard that couldn’t answer his phone sounded me right up. I got even more pissed at this guy but was determined to complete the delivery. What if he was disabled? Now, this was probably the most confusing apartment building I’ve ever seen. It took me another 10 minutes to find his apartment. Next, I did something else I never do; I gave the fucker a thumbs down. Fuck it if he is disabled! That’s no excuse for not answering the phone. I decided I’d never come back here anyway. Not for a cocktard like this. The only slightly positive thing that happened out of all of this was Uber paid me $10 instead of the $5 the promised, which they rarely do.

8:00 pm
My phone made that sweet sound indicating I’d received a tip. Strange, I thought. The last time I’d checked, I’d gotten tips for every one of my Uber orders on the day… except for the fucktard who clearly wasn’t going to tip me. I figured it must be coming in from a different day, happens all the time. Sometimes I’ll even get tips a month later. But to my pleasant surprise, it was the cocktard who tipped me. Maybe he wasn’t such a fucker; after all, I concluded. It’s incredible how much a full stomach and a $15 tip improves your perspective. When it was all said and done, I felt bad for giving him a thumbs down. But hey now, we all have bad days. So get off my back!! Haha!!

Thanks for reading, and have a great day!

All GIF’s are provided courtesy of GIPHY. Thank You!

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2 thoughts on “One More Order, Then We Go Home

  1. I don’t do Uber Eats, but someone I know does. They have invited me to do some runs with them before and it is a satisfying experience. However, there were some cases that were less than so.

    My friend got an order for Jamba Juice, which we excepted. When we got there ad went to the ordering desk, the employee there told us to pick up the order at the pick-up desk on the other side of the store. We waited for about ten minutes and the lady behind the pick-up desk was ignoring us. Finally, I convinced my friend to go up to her and tell her about the order. She pulled all the drinks out of a fridge and we were on our way. Also, I was rather carsick due to his jerky driving. When we found the house and knocked at the door, the couple there said the drinks weren’t there’s. My buddy acted socially awkward, though that was normal for him. I told the couple the name of the order, and they said something about relatives, whom I assumed lived in the house with them, secretly made an Uber Eats order for Jamba for the whole family. After they thanked us, we awkwardly fled back to the comfort of the lonely automobile, until I got extremely sick again. Blegh. Geez, that was longer than anticipated.

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