The lies of Kenobi

6 Lies Expressed by Obi-Wan Kenobi

Not that long ago, in a galaxy that resides inside his head…

An Angry Star Wars Fan Theory…

Obi-Wan Kenobi is the biggest liar in the Star Wars Galaxy. Think about it: when we get introduced to Obi-Wan in A New Hope, he goes by the name Ben Kenobi. He’s too ashamed of his past to use his real name. And spare me the entire theory claiming he was trying to hide his identity from Vader. If that were true, don’t you think he would’ve changed his last name. That’s about as good as the theory claiming Obi-Wan was trying to hide Luke’s identity from Vader, but Luke still carried the last name Skywalker. Face it, the only person Obi-Wan ever thought about was himself. In honor of this inconsiderate prick, I give you Obi-Wan Kenobi’s six biggest lies.

“You were The Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them?” Obi-Wan Kenobi

This is a lie because Anakin is, in fact, the Chosen One. The past tense Obi-Wan uses is proof that he only cares about the Jedi and the Jedi agenda. The galaxy is made of more people than the Jedi, and just because Anakin decided to leave the Order doesn’t mean he stopped being the Chosen One. BTW, Anakin only left because the Jedi turned their backs on him repeatedly and denied him his proper status on the council. Obi-Wan’s arrogance is on full display as he assumes The Chosen One must be a Jedi. What a lying fool!

“Senator Palpatine, Sith Lords are our specialty.” Obi-Wan Kenobi

If this were true, then Obi-Wan should have known he was addressing a Sith Lord when he made this statement. Things could’ve worked out so much better for the Jedi if they had some competent leaders. The selfish council was too wrapped up in politics to know there was a menacing Sith Lord right under their noses. Obi-Wan also watched as a Sith killed Qui-Gon. Kenobi also got his ass kicked by Count Dooku.

“You can’t win, Vader. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” Obi-Wan Kenobi

This is another lie because Vader is way more potent than Obi-Wan could ever dream of being. Therefore, Vader can imagine way more power than the feeble Obi-Wan can even comprehend. It’s not Anakin’s fault that Obi-Wan decided to waste his prime years in isolation because he failed the Jedi and all of their ancestors. When the going got tough, and the odds were actually even (two Sith vs. two Jedi), the Jedi decided to run and hide until another Skywalker came along for them to manipulate.

“That boy is our last hope.” Obi-Wan Kenobi

This is another outright lie because Obi-Wan knew full well that Padme gave birth to twins. Obi-Wan is so full of arrogance; he thinks only the ones he comes in contact with have a chance at destroying Vader. Maybe if Yoda and Obi-Wan had actually done something to train Luke and Leia? Oh, that’s right. They’re cowards and were afraid of the power of the Dark Side of the Force.

“For over a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. Before the dark times, before the Empire.” -Obi-Wan Kenobi

The Jedi Knights did nothing but instill violence and cause mass chaos. It was at the height of its power that the Jedi allowed the Sith to gain control of the entire galaxy ultimately. The Jedi are always surrounded by violence and are often the first to draw their weapons. Just because Obi-Wan says the Jedi are good doesn’t make it accurate. I don’t have to smell a pile of shit to know it stinks.

“A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroyed the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father.” Obi-Wan Kenobi

The biggest lie of all time. So many lies wrapped up into one quote. First, Darth Vader was never a Jedi. Anakin Skywalker was. Darth Vader didn’t come into existence until Anakin turned to the Dark Side and became a Sith. Second, Obi-Wan is the one who betrayed Anakin. Obi-Wan drew his saber while Anakin’s back was turned. Third, Darth Vader didn’t help the Empire hunt down the Jedi Knights. Vader destroyed the Jedi before the Empire existed. Vader was the reason the Empire gained control. And last but not least, Darth Vader is Luke Skywalkers father. Obi-Wan is nothing but a lying asshole.

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One thought on “The lies of Kenobi

  1. Okay, I’m in, though I like Kenobi. I’m always game to think about characters a different way. I think the character of Kenobi falls victim, at times, to the perceived needs of storytelling. At Dagoba we want Luke to go save Han and Leia because we like them, but we need be worried that it’s a horrible choice, so Ben’s “That boy was our last hope,” makes us really worried that he’s screwing up. Yoda’s, “No, there is another,” with dramatic music and lighting is tremendously cool and suddenly has us wondering who the heck he was talking about. I remember being in the theater as a kid and thinking, wait, what? Who?! It’s way less cool if Kenobi says, “Guess we should have put more effort into that other one.” Yoda responds, “Nah, she’s cool.”

    Ben not telling Luke the full truth about his dad? Yeah, Ben let us down there. It was weak, but they didn’t want the audience to know yet. I wish they’d handled that differently.

    And then, “Sith Lords are our specialty,” is male posturing and arrogance more than a lie. Still, not pretty, but it helps us see how the Jedi missed what was going on. Especially given the way the movies were shot, I think character consistency takes a backseat to the needs of storytelling in the moment.

    Yes, I agree that Kenobi was short-sighted about what Anakin was supposed to be, but given that Anakin had just murdered a bunch of kids, I think it was reasonable to feel betrayed. It was always going to be weird to make those movies out of order when we had already seen the redemption of Vader, so I think the betrayal that Padme and Obi-Wan feel is the only emotional climax we get.

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